I want you to be lying there in lightness and in love
Feeling sparkles in your eyes dance
As they trace a path around
The gorgeous world that you’re now put upon
The free life that unfurls
Oh sweet old prey bird
I want to pull my cat claws in
I want to lose
I want to watch you fly freely away from me
This is what I want to want you to do
And I will if it’s right
I want us to both be truly satisfied and happy in our lives
Both me and you.
On my train this afternoon, a young woman fronted up to a man she didn’t know and asked for a lighter and then for a smoke
She didn’t flinch, her throat didn’t even slightly choke
He handed her a lighter and said “you can keep this” and then gave her a rolly and smile
She lit right up right there, she had nothing she wanted to hide
She laughed “I do this all the time”
Then she curled up to sleep on his lap
Just like that
He wrapped his arm around her with astonishment and pride
“Is it that easy to connect with someone else for some people?!”
I stared out at the rolling sea past rolling wheels and sighed.
“The rowers are not showing any signs that they are slowing!”
Everywhere I hear the screams
Sometimes they come right out of me
I feel the sun, the forest, favourite city streets, my dear loved ones, moments of joy and peace, the gorgeous rising stormy sea
Sometimes it’s best to scream
It is a great release
I wear Christmas socks today because they’re thick and decent quality
I like their corny Rasta cartoon trees and how they feel
I slip them under farm boots
I am trussed up, dressed for yet another day
Breakfasted and showered
Flirted a little, a hit? A miss? It doesn’t matter anyway. It would be nice to strike a real hot match though, I have to say
Soon I will paint a pleasant public face
I leave my legs covered in hair, I need to let them heal
Put away the ratatouille, banana bread I made this morning
Walk my sweet dog
Take a quick smoke
I’ll make my way
Hang my washing on the line
Bring some of it in, start to put it away
Settle down to tackle tasks, 1, 3,4,5,7,8,9
Crossing them off
Both simple and grand designs
Watching the time
Clean up some rubbish in the yard
Pull out some weeds
Start to make my new garden dreams true
I’ll make time to visit the lab, the BioFoundry, put away some of my stuck stupid pride
I’ll start to roll the ball of getting into uni again
I have 20-30 job ads for side hustle work, by tonight I’ll have applied
Heroine, heroine, heroin…
I’ll down a couple beers or wines, read a good book and say goodbye to yet another day
This is how I pray.
Arms lash together branches with old rope all day
Again, again!
The knots we tie in different situations change
From night to day and back
Again, again!
My throat grows tight and breath grows slow
Not in the sour old ways I know
He only holds me
Only ties me down to help me to let go
I let him take control.
My mind
Instead of racing most the time
It’s writing articles on vicissitudes of life
It’s crafting dry magnolia wine
It’s finding brand new threads to wind, to lash together roof or wall or bodies and to sweetly unwind.
And you
You seize this crooked little shrew
You see me shine like gold
Whatever blocks I throw
It is just time.
Our roots sink deeper into Earth
Our bodies bloom
There is the buzz of bees, of honey dripping on our parts
There is the buzz of warm, sated but ever curious hearts, a timbre dropping deeper, rising higher
The buzz of the hearth fire.
If you must hold my body with your hands
Let it be because you understand
How I long to be held
May we feel like some Vulcan mind meld, inside and without
Where we’re not strangers here
Where there’s no doubt.
If you must hold my body with your hands
Please do ask first and closely listen for my
YES! YES! YES!
Or
NO! NO! NO!
On this matter, words will truly guide you where to go.
If you must hold my body with your hands
Let it be with a deep reverence
May you hold me like I am a piece of gold
If not, I’d rather be left right alone
Oh, I well know I’m growing old!
If you must hold my body with your hands
Let me be new
Let me be washed clean of my painful past as much as I can scrub
Let me be simple again with my heart
Let me be true.
In the alchemy of waking life my heart takes dreams and loves and breathes and works them into form. The path they take me on is often veering from the norm, falls in a ditch or ten, but sometimes I know exactly where to go.
Ahead of me there are fields opening
Light dappling through the pines
Earth opening up in loose spatters from under a carpet of needles so thick I thought it might bury the world
This acid Earth, smothered and smudged warms up as it fines
Churned from beneath with such tendrils curled of life unseen
Here it breaks through and here it breaks through and here it breaks through
Sun shines and water falls into the wreckages of lives once been
Best intentions failed and left to be
Despairs now softening
Colours and shapes spill out with such beauty you could not even dream
Born out of the cracking dead old seams
New life in it’s strange and changing wisdom teaches what it knows
How far this deep old rabbit hole goes.
We play a part to learn a role
Beyond what we now know
A tentative and cautious art
We try new masks on in the dark
Skin scrubbed for our fresh start
Are we horror?
Are we splendour?
Are we straight?
Or cracked and skewed?
Are there close shades still of human face?
Or reds or blacks or blues?
The skull girl or the riding hood
The gorgeous troubadour and his wild hats
The brooding brawling mongrel cats
So many hours spent waiting for our lives to change
When you can pick an option
Choose a new old day
The lessons, they keep coming around anyway.
I see his sadness
Calling out to me through searching eyes that scream
“Please don’t hurt me”
“I can’t take any more!”
In the meat garden, we hustle and we move into the day in different ways
I am trying to survive
He is trying to survive
We do what we can in our ways to ease the pain and lighten up
He looks a little like another man
I have to face that I have been trying to replace
But I wake to realise I have given up on him
I honestly don’t care
Last night my friend tells us all about how she fucked him, so friendly, so fun
She can’t do it again though, he has a girlfriend and he is a monogamous one
The words reverberate around me a little and I realise that they feel so empty and numb
This is not so much a part of me any more
This hasn’t got such power as it did for so very long
It’s a fast fading song
Our hall of sorrow, loving, hating isn’t my home any more
I walk calmly through this newly formed door in the wall
I take what I’m given with gratitude
I let myself fall into lightness and nurture and fun
I just want to share some sweetness with someone.
Fiery son
We both grow out of weeds
Light in our hair
Flowers blooming everywhere
They are yellows, reds, oranges, whites and blues
All colours of the flame
There is something in there past the mantle if you gaze into its depths that is so fresh and green
From the wake of a fire comes such raw, ripe new things
The likes of which you couldn’t have seen
Unless you made the room
Then turned on the water and good soil and sun
Yellow, red, orange, white, green and blue blooms
Fed and nourished by someone.
thebootydiaries
thebootydiaries
a woman: hi, how are you?
a man: hm. see I wouldn’t have phrased it exactly like that. I might have said “hello” or perhaps “salutations.” but the way you said it is cute though.
